There is always a whisper in my ear that pushes me to put things on paper. I write to let my heart out or maybe just as a meditative way of handling things. But I fail to follow up, I do not endure against that urge to procrastinate and muster up the strength to finish what I started. This startles me otherwise because outside I am a guy with a plan, a guy with answers, a nut with all the jokes.
Over the past few days I have had a small nook in my room dedicated to personal thought provocations. It is here that I sit and try to put everything on paper, even a beautiful picture to which I may add color. But I write what I feel, I draw what I observe, I challenge what I hear. It’s kind of a brain exercise that I duly follow to exhaust myself before retiring for the day.
A few instances in this “self-discovery” (as I like to call it) involve interaction with acquaintances who are at different stages age-wise, career-wise or other-wise in whatever they feel as the right thing to do in their lives (debatable). Of these interactions I try to summarize potential learning opportunities that help me move forward with life which seems just as dreary as it could be. I think I am a workaholic and the fact that does not hinder me from accepting that actually gives me a whole new perspective to things I want to do. I listen to music a lot in my free time and that gives me a potential ear to good songs which become popular later. I also give credit to Spotify which maintains a good list of songs I want to hear through my random plays. So I have both help and talent to listen to good songs but it could also be that I’m being fed just the songs which “should be” popular. I listen to Indie artists a lot to pacify this.
As of now I haven’t established why these activities hold importance in my current chain of thought, but wait for it, this will make sense. Socialize. Retrospect. Listen More. That is how my life’s order has been since the time I moved far away from home. I think it’s destiny’s way of making me learn the basic facts of life which everyone needs to learn. Especially a life without friends. I had a huge group to hang out with back in my home-country but here abroad, it’s just me and my thoughts. I guess that is a heavenly change for a writer and maybe it’s ever so slowly helping me develop an articulate nature in my way of putting forward my opinions. Life 101 was fun, Life 201 is outrageously hard but a big pool of knowledge where cowering at the edge is not an option.
Coming back to the different perspectives I see as a learning opportunity, I see single guys, single girls, friends with benefits, couples, married couples, married couples raising kids, and everything gives me tid-bits on survival; survival in this world of overwhelming socialization. Atleast I now get why people go to the mountains to become hermits. Not because they are fed up but maybe there is only a limit your mind can stretch to gather information. I have started blocking out information to keep my sanity and i would not state this as a cry of help but as a method if you can relate with the uneasiness involved in listening to folks about how things are going with your friends. My interests maybe different but in socializing only your time and presence is necessary, not your mind.
The Spotify example was just to give you an idea of how I overthink sometimes. It is of no importance yet I leave it up to you to analyze and give yourself something to learn from such things.