I have been searching for quite long to complete my chain of thoughts whenever I end up sitting and staring at the face of my computer. Thoroughly bored and out cast by my mind I sometimes feel sheer frustration. More than that I constantly hope that my knowledge of how good I am at a few things I am capable of doing best are being over-powered by the mind numbing relentless work load that I put myself through every day. The only serenity I gather from this convoluted state of affairs is in small things which I do everyday to make me snigger and smile even though things seem a drudge and boring altogether. Still the effort in gathering whatever is left of the awesome thought that came and passed away in like the last 10 seconds which I spent in writing the other awesome thought before that kills me bit by bit every second. Holding on to whatever that actually seemed pretty obvious and “all-in-a-days-work” kind is a humongous task so as to speak of. I guess this is not just me and everyone else, and this hope of finding the alike characters makes me altogether want to go forward and write down whatever my fingers can produce.
It is one of the many good days when I come from office earlier (10 PM) than usual (3 AM). I get to plan to catch a late night show and all my movie buddies get to ditch me on that, because “Hey !!! we need to be busy on a weekday right?” I won’t be any much passive aggressive because frankly most of my friends don’t even read half the things I write. The sad excuses also that I get are many to count on the fingers :
(a) Dude !!! that’s too long !!! (as if you have a peanut size brain to hold 1/4th chain of thought)
(b) I did not get time to read it….. (okay you definitely have time to share silly memes atleast give out some honest opinions along side)
(c) I’m not into blogging (You do not date a girl as of now. I guess you are not into girls too)
(d) I read one of those previous posts twas gooood (what part of “F-O-L-L-O-W” do you not get ?)
There are more than a dozen regular ones and 25 other never-even-heard-of ones to ponder upon. Sometimes you might be inventive yourself and create one for them when they feed you such thoughts the next time.
Till now many of you might have given up on me and stopped reading too. But this is the moment which you actually need to read on and think about. I wrote the above paragraphs in the most passive aggressive way possible to give you a glimpse of how angry a mind feels and still how eloquence makes it all the more bearable. You need not be funny and tool-ish all the time, spontaneity has it’s perks and so does honesty. Once again I can bore you with a story or a comical life – lesson or maybe a simple “what-do-we-know-what-have-we-learnt” kind of sermon. But it never does anyone any good nor will it change you as a person. the more important fact to which I want to actually point out is your rendition and reaction to this whole situation. If you are with me up till here let’s continue this a little more.
A few things I have learnt in the past few years is to be brash, abrasive and business like in the most of my encounters with everyone I meet. (except families and close friends of course) The people I meet each day are always running around to make sure they are able to keep up with the chaos of society, the terms and conditions which apply along with and definitely a secure future. What they conveniently forget is how big an assault it is for your character if you do not help it build itself
Another thing that bothers me about how it seems to have changed is how bad my listening capabilities have become. I recently got a very stern comment in the most no-nonsense way possible from my extremely close acquaintance. Her tarshness of character and judgement makes it even hard hitting because we are genuinely pretty much enjoying ourselves mostly when we go out. It got me thinking and I realized that I am gaining new experiences and climbing a ladder to a ruthless corporate scenario at the cost of my own fundamental qualities. To be frank, I have not seen anyone manage this perfectly and it does not make much sense either. I mean why would you actually take so much effort in creation of balance between work and personal life, what is the perk there ? (Sarcasm Alert !!!) It has got me thinking since the past two days and this is the reason I have come across for my harshness. if only I could sit down and express this to my friends it would be a different ball game but i cannot because (as i think) I am not the only one. I assure all of you that I have started working on this and will bring back the old “me” pretty soon. i love to talk but listening is what I was praised for when I had a companion who was through and through a friend per se. Now i have even closer friends who seem to have all the assurances but never the consequence comes into picture because great job done by me to block that area of my brain which makes me naive for their cause.
I have had a life changing companion ship and an awesome no-holds-barred period in my life but never has been a case like this when I have actually learnt so much in the process of developing my own character. Be it the start of last year when I was as fragile as a glass of wine to the mid year when I met my greatest chumps ever. Some friends have grown through my very eloquence and tantrums on twitter, others I have held on to out of their sheer gumption in my opinions. Most of them have been my chumps since day one and I never mind even if we talk once in 6 months. There are the critical, cynical, downright nonsense, sheer craziness, eventful, outgoing and special ones and other ones whom even if I describe in one word one by one would take all night to list down. The most important ones are always the ones around you and it would be teary good bye to them as they all move on with their ambitions and plans for the future far from my sight and approach. I hope the bond holds on as much as I have tried to amend it and kept it going. I have changed but always want it to be for the better, and as I said earlier it saves me from planning the weekend because the next time we meet it would be a plan. YOU ALL WILL BE MISSED !!!
So we have talked about humanity and listening capabilities, I hope you got how these qualities are entangled amongst each other and hope you actually have read all of the above with a perspective. I would like to know your thoughts and comments so either jot it down below or mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
In the end to my extremely wonderful and special chum….”I solemnly swear that I won’t be up to any good ever if there is time for craziness but still listen whenever spoken to….” I guess that helps. THANKS A TON FOR YOUR PATIENCE, TIME AND LOVE !!!!